Soooo if I want people to be nice and like me, I have to fake like I'm interested and be nice to them. This hurts me because what these relationships are built on isn't real, and I am vulnerable. I think thats why.

So if I go the other way around and I'm mean or don't act like I like people, they come back at me and attack me. This hurts me because I feel alone and unwanted. And not accepted.

There's no solution. Unless there's something I'm ignoring here.

What's inside us? We're just walking shells.

That's what I've been lately. It's comfortable, it's safe.

I forgot again. Sometimes I forget everything, but hey the past is the past right? I can control the future way more than I can control the future. I can deal with who I am and move forward. I guess.

I am just reminded every once in awhile. I just saw this girl....and it made me sad. I'm very sorry about this world and what it can do to people.
But afterall, these are just feelings right? Don't we overanalyze everything? Are we any more important than the grass on the ground and the clouds in the sky?
They seem to give no fucks when the weather seems to change them or when they disappear out of thin air. Hmmmmm.

Still the emotion is in me and maybe that's the important part. That's what matters. I'm just sorry. Something went wrong. And it's a vicious cycle that begins.

It's more horrible than you can imagine. It's more horrible than I can imagine sometimes. 

FUCK. ING. A.

Well I was feeling good there for awhile...
And then I am reminded of how much I fucking hate people. And me. 

I got so much love tonight, from so many people.
And I didn't even do anything.
It's kind of touching that I would even be worth someone's love or adoration.
It's a little bit of a shock.